Baby Sis is getting hitched

My baby sister is getting hitched! Naturally, my mean uncle, Sam, prevented me from going to the engagement party. But, at least I got a few pictures. When I saw this collage I got a little misty. Baby Sister's side is on the left. She was so cute growing up (and I was so jealous...and chubby and near-sighted). Now she is a beautiful woman and loving mom. Congratulations, guys! I look forward to welcoming Tom into the family real soon. MOO! HOO!, HA, Ha, haaaa!

Sparky Honors his Mentors

Sparky, the good Dr. John Breeskin, held a ceremony honoring his mentors and celebrating the beginning of his 50th year as a psychologist. I had that damn lump in my throat as he began to speak, and by the end of his talk it subsided, just to reappear again at the conclusion. I swear he does that on purpose!

A great many of the psychologists and researchers that I have studied have worked with Sparky. He ran through a list on the ten most influential psychologists in the field, and then added a few of his own. Along the way he paid respect to each of them. It was an amazing trip! He was even able to pull off a very mild criticism of Carl Rogers in a room full of shrinks (I happened to disagree with the criticism ...but there was no microphone).

Among Sparky’s many gifts to the world, and to me personally, is his movie, Sparky’s Ashes, which he made a couple of years ago. In it he visits the places where he will have his ashes spread. He also interviews his mortician, hangs out with a panhandler, and dresses like a wizard! One of the most symbolic places is at the statue, “The Awakening,” at Hains Point. This happened to be moved to the new Harbor Front Convention Center in Maryland on the very same day as Sparky delivered his speech. However rare, I simply cannot find the meaning in these two events as they collide in my heart.

I have had many mentors who have helped me throughout my life. None have considered the meaning of the relationship like Sparky does. Not only do I respect his work and contributions, but I also feel cared for in a spiritual manner. Sparky desires to know that a part of him will exist in this word long after he is gone. This is my job, and I accept it. His influence in my work and life is clear and obvious, just as Sparky’s mentors are alive in his work. One day, as my big-sister of a colleague noted, I'll give a speech honoring Sparky. Along the way, I’ll be looking for people to guide, help, and ultimately “bless.” Like fathers and sons, on and on the pattern will be continued.

Barack the Vote

It seems the new strategy of the Clinton campaign is to complain that Obama is all words and no action. I’ve been catching sound-bytes noting that he is skilled at stirring and moving people, but can’t be trusted to lead. He does not have enough experience to run the White House on “day one.” While these are valid points and a clear challenge for him, there is a process that he has been able to avoid that is rather appealing to me, and perhaps to the millions of other voters in his corner. We all know about it, but it is seldom mentioned on the Sunday morning political shows. It’s a hazard that cannot be avoided: Spending too much time in the federal government turns people into a-holes.

This is also why Hillary’s hubby isn’t helping her very much lately. He can never become human again. Sorry, dude.

It is an inevitable transformation and Obama will have to eventually conform. However, he at least still resembles a human being, which is giving him the advantage. Plus, let’s face it. Experience being a politician is supposed to sharpen and hone what skills? Hmmm??…leadership! Last time I checked we select our leaders based on a personal decision to either support or reject them.

So what about the people that Hillary considers stupid and easily manipulated by fancy speeches? We, the hopeful little sheep, are touched by his speeches, moved, and encouraged to vote for him. We are duped into believing that he is someone who will champion the social and political movements that matter to us. That alone suggests an amazing shift in tactics over the past several years. What she is doing is similar to the process of reminding us that if we don’t support our leaders, we will face nasty consequences. She is using fear, just like the rest of the a-holes!

In a representative democracy it is sickening to hear the same anatomical elite speak for us about who is fit to serve. For better or worse, that is our job! Many of us are accustomed to voting for the person who is the smaller a-hole. Perhaps we finally have a clearer choice this time around.

Getting Freaky!

I have been inspired by the amazing Kelly O! I have felt energy united and directed during the freedom to marry week, and was actually mentioned on her blog! It makes me want to sing: “Fame! I wanna live forever!”

Okay. Christian conservatives have a claim that the marriage of same sexed couples is immoral. Well, lets take a look at the psychology of opposite sex unions. How “moral” are we deep down in the subconscious?

Freudian analysis suggests that when the man “takes a wife” he is actually attempting to have his mother. What Freud analyzed was in many ways the shadow of religion, which has many limits and can be argued as a psychology of libidinal drives and the like. However, Jungian analysis takes a different look and moves away from libidinal drives and places the observer at the edge of the subconscious where several fields are available to be analyzed. Myth becomes relevant, history, and the larger “collective” are all areas to be considered in Jungian analysis. So, religion is then reflected on the surface of the water of the subconscious. This makes myth and religion important in understanding things like…say?. .the act of marriage in relation to the psyche.

So, two Christians get married. This man and this woman go to church and stand before an alter and have a holy person tell them that they are now “united.” Then they come to church every Sunday and have a great time. That is considered moral and holy.

Wait a minute. Let’s go a little slower and consider a few of the Christian metaphores: Two people of the same faith (brother and sister—ooh!) go before God (Their Heavenly Father—awwh!) and unite (form a sexual union—Huh!!) in front of the congregation (the family). Hmm?

Every Sunday what happens? The Christian couple can now go to church and love the members of the congregation (ritualized orgy? ---of the Agape, non sexual, variety!).

In myth the heirosgamos is a divine sexual union. Christians have a divine union with their partners and with the members of the congregation after they are married. The soul (psyche), in Jungian principle, cannot be contained, but can also not be left fractured or incomplete.

Christians solve this problem by marrying one another and then engage in loving everyone in the church. A homeostasis is then maintained, one time a week, where tensions involving love, desire for others (again, of the agape variety), and the divine are satisfied.

The prejudice against same sexed couples prevents this holy union. Now, how much less moral is a same sex marriage after consideration of the Heirosgamos?

My point is that all of this takes place deep inside the psyche where the desires are safe and sound. When analyzed it looks really wild! The idea that some groups of people are not "fit" to participate in the act of holy matrimony is, psychoanalytically speaking, rather humorous after a careful consideration of the archetypal and dynamic elements of a normal Christian marriage.

A good read for the interested:

http://www.istanbul-yes-istanbul.co.uk/alchemy/Rosariumfinal.htm

Homophobia?

The term “homophobia” is absurd. This is a description of a specific phobic presentation out of the DSM IV-TR, which is the American Psychological Association’s catalog of diagnostic criteria:

“DIAGNOSTIC FEATURES:

The essential feature of Specific Phobia is marked and persistent fear of clearly discernible, circumscribed objects or situations. Exposure to the phobic stimulus almost invariably provokes an immediate anxiety response. This response may take the form of a situationally bound or situationally predisposed Panic Attack. Although adolescents and adults with this disorder recognize that their fear is excessive or unreasonable, this may not be the case with children. Most often, the phobic stimulus is avoided, although it is sometimes endured with dread. The diagnosis is appropriate only if the avoidance, fear, or anxious anticipation of encountering the phobic stimulus interferes significantly with the person's daily routine, occupational functioning, or social life, or if the person is markedly distressed about the phobia. In individuals under age 18 years, symptoms may have persisted for at least 6 months before Specific Phobia is diagnosed. The anxiety, Panic Attacks, or phobic avoidance are not better accounted for by another mental disorder (e.g., Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, Separation Anxiety Disorder, Social Phobia, Panic Disorder With Agoraphobia, or Agoraphobia Without History of Panic Disorder).” DSM-IV TR, 1994

In order for “homophobia” to exist, the sufferer would have to present with terror, a gripping desire to flee, hyperarousal (non-sexual!), avoidance, and generalized fear when presented with the “stimulis” of a homosexual. (I am sure that even Rush Limbaugh does not meet that criteria.)

The more fitting term is “homo-prejudice.” This removes the pathology and suggest a much more adequate etiological underpinning: predjudice! A mental disorder, like a specific phobia, requires the attention of a mental health professional. Could a therapist bill an insurance company to treat someone suffering with “homophobia?”

No, because that person has a prejudice and, although they may benefit from therapy, does not have a mental illness. They have a prejudice against homosexuals. Would people accept the terms “Afro-Ameriphobia,” or “Chronic Womeniphobic?”

Powerful Documentary

I am not sure of the popularity of the documentary, Color of Fear, by the renowned therapist Lee Mun Wah. It was used as an eye-opener during graduate school, which still resonates in me despite it being several years since I first saw the full film. For white males, issues surrounding multiculturalism are exeptionally difficult to learn about (I remember watching this segment in class and feeling like every eye in the room was drilling a hole in my back--the lone white male). This film captured where most white men have to start, in order to move deeper into understanding and recognizing their role as deniers and minimizers. It also underscores why social movements have to be In-Your-Face. If they are not, the power of denial will turn the heads of those needing enlightenment.

It is often hard for me to imagine the strength that cultural, racial, and sexual minorities have to muster in order to navigate in our society. Now, I certainly did not have a full supply of silver spoons available to me growing up, but there was a plastic spork near by when it was needed.

That is not a clumsy flippant metaphore.

It is difficult to look at all of the work that I have done and the sacrifices that I have made, and then learn that entire groups of people have it worse than I did. Then I learned that this advantage was granted to me because of my race, gender, and sexual preference. Recognizing this is not an easy first step!

The truth is that I always had utensils. Often times they were cheap and made of plastic, but small opportunities were always there for me to pick up when I was ready to use them. It is hard to look at that as being something that others were refused. Yet, that is the truth, and for many white men clinging to "our story" of success is the best way to remain protected from the pain of some very ugly truths. We take the acceptance, the foundation of opportunity, for granted. That ultimatly prevents others from helping us begin the process of understanding, welcoming, and embracing all minorities as equals. Exploring and facing what it means to be a white man in America is a shame inducing journey. Shame and denial are like... well, they have a close relationship.

So, as I can only move throughout life as a new cognitive minority-- the humbled white male. I catch myself looking at black professionals with more appreciation. I consider the issues of immigrant populations with more compassion, and I look at the bravery of gay and lesbian couples showing affection towards each another in public with respect. While there may be battles being fought that are invisible to me, I can certainly recognize a warrior when I see one.

My appreciation and sensitivity may mean little to those in the fight for equality and justice. Yet, it is a representative victory. It is what has to happen for all white men, and can only happen when an individual's assumptions about what it means to be a white man are challenged in a direct and passionate encounter.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=-vAbpJW_xEc

(How on earth can I post video clips?????)

What happens when I press this button?

Big sister made a "lil-oopsy" over the weekend. The previous occupiers of our home must have hidden their valuables, or deepest secrets, from one another in the master bedroom. Although my wife and I never actually found the key to the high-security lock on the bedroom door, we also never considered it a problem. The other doors can be unlocked from the outside with a small screwdirver. Not this sucker! It is built to withstand the ATF. Well anyway, Big sister was playing with the lock, and then we were all locked out. My credit card trick failed, which left only one option.

It only took a steaknife, a ladder, and two minutes to get inside. My honey-do list just got a little longer.

Meme #2!

Another meme! Cool. I feel like philfree just offered me a smoke. "Hey, dude. You wanna play hacky sack with us?"

6 quirks:

1) I am so arrogant that I don't think I have any quirks.

(The remaining opinions come from my wife. She showed very little hesitation.)

2) I talk in my sleep and, apparently, chew pretend food. This delivers people sleeping near me to locations close to insanity.

3) I enjoy, and expect, people to cry tears of joy...and then wonder why they didn't.

4) I sing heavy metal songs as lullabies to my children.

5) I can play both "Mr. Sensitive" and "Joe Cool" without skipping a beat. (Hey! Like Fonzi!!)

6) I'm a mechanic who hates to fix things. Then she called me: "The elf who does not want to make toys."

That felt a little strange.

Meme?

Okay. I am not sure about the meme rules, but I do feel confident about answering the questions. Here goes my first attempt.

Name something you do everyday:

1) Prepare food for my kids

Name 2 things you wish you could learn:

1) How to make my career change work for me and the family
2) How save money for my kids' education

Name 3 things that remind you of your childhood:

1) Snow
2) The smell of leather (like baseball gloves and jackets--not chaps!)
3) Station wagons

Name 4 things you love to eat but rarely do:

1) Nick's Garbage Plates!
2) Buffalo Wings
3) Patty Melts
4) Crab Cakes


Name 5 things/people that make you feel good:

1) Todd O always gives off good vibes!
2) Pictures of my nieces
3) Talking with my collogues and mentors
4) Seeing my girls (all three) smile and laughing together
5) Obama speeches

That was painless! Do I tag someone? I don't have enough blogging buddies to tag?

Baby Update

Blue eyes! They are certainly blue and do not seem to be darkening up. She is also beginning to eat babyfood. I have been trying out my newest toy-- A high end kitchen aid food processor. However, the baby prefers store bought food. What gives? As a consequence, I have about six pounds of pureed sweet potatoes in the freezer, if anyone is hungry.

Teaching Gig

I was asked to lecture on the psychology of gender at the U of M. Awesome!!! I may have lost some credibility when I asked a student to take a picture of me in front of the chalkboard. "Um? How long have you been teaching?" Hey? Come on. I was excited!