Soundly Sleeping

Obama!!!

2009-02-22T19:13:00.010-05:00

A boy in the family!

2008-10-26T09:20:00.003-04:00

Finally, we have a baby boy in the family! Females are greatly overrepresented in my family. My parents had to wait for grand-baby number 6 to see a Y chromosome! Not that I ever had any complaints, but a baby boy is a nice change. I absolutely adore this mother-infant gaze.

Welcome to the world, Lucas!

Sparky's Blog

2008-09-17T20:36:00.003-04:00

A few of you have heard me rave about a friend and mentor who is near and dear to me. For anyone who has not: Meet, Sparky. Among many other things, he is a professor, psychologist, and a poet. His blog is now up and running and I am sure he would not mind the traffic. http://sparkytheminddoc.blogspot.com/

Shrapnel Wounds

2008-09-16T20:39:00.002-04:00

Today I saw a man pick out a small shard of shrapnel from his skin that had worked its way out from deeper tissue. The wound was months old. He did it without veering off topic or changing the rate or rhythm of his speech. Without even wincing, he picked at his skin for a few moments and then teased out a piece of metal. He then placed it on the table next to us as we finished our conversation. No further discussion on the metaphor is required.

Rock Hard, Ride Free!!!!!

2008-08-09T16:39:00.008-04:00

I have been preparing for the Priest concert for the last few weeks, which accounts for my absence. The planning, studying, and meditation is very time consuming. Yet, a requirement nonetheless (kidding! I've just been too busy). The show was great! Rob's voice was strained and he did not even attempt to hit the high notes. However, the band made up for this by playing flawlessly. The shinny thing in the middle of the picture is Rob riding out on his motorcycle. Hell bent for Leather!

Heaven and Hell (Early 80's Sabbath with Dio) put on a great show. Their music reminds me of rusted out Monte Carlos and the smell of pot smoke. Tony Iommi looks more like Tommy Chong now a days, but played beautifully. Dio's voice has not aged at all. Oh, the winged creature on the tree in the picture exhaled puffs of smoke and had red flashing eyes during the show. So metal!

Of course Motorhead was a huge crowd pleaser. I have no idea what in the hell Lemmy was saying during his dialog. At one point he either said, "It's great to see all of our fans again" or "I ate grits, seaweed and half a can of gin." Neither would surprise me.

The cool thing was how chill the scene was. The fans were nice to one another. I talked with people around me between sets. There were kids with parents. Naturally, there were a lot more bald and gray heads in the audience. However, we held up pretty well. I really hope these kind of shows don't fade away too quickly. They are sooooo much fun!!!

Ouch!

2008-07-03T20:35:00.003-04:00

I have been taking a break and only running 3-5 miles every 2-3 days, because of knee pain. This killing my training!!!!

Big Sister's Tooth

2008-07-02T20:34:00.003-04:00

Big Sister Lost her First Tooth.

"Let me get this straight. We lose our baby teeth, and a fairy takes them and leaves us money under our pillow? Um, please tell that she always waits until they fall out."

"Some people won't listen, and they make me eat dirt!"

2008-06-01T20:39:00.006-04:00

Jaleo! with Mom and Jennifer (my baby sister).

At the FDR memorial (my new favorite hangout)

Leather clad stallion and baby sis.

WWII Memorial.

My mom was almost as tall as the Washington Monument.

Then she shrunk back down to regular size.

This post is late, but it certainly is far from never! My mom, baby sister, and her arm candy boyfriend came to pay a visit two weeks ago. We took in the sites and enjoyed our favorite tapas restaurant. Jaleo!

Mom gave me a great quote that will be thought of, and used strategically, for many years. Although Jenny and I love the variety at Jaleo, Mom was a little less enthusiastic. After we forced her to try a fabulous dish made with grilled sweet peppers and stuffed with goat cheese, Mom was disgusted and declared: "Some people won't listen, and they make me eat dirt!" Tom sat quietly and ordered pizza after we returned home. It was great seeing the family!

Nationals Game With Big Sis

2008-05-31T14:17:00.011-04:00

I took Big Sis to her first MLB game last week!

The new Nationals stadium is amazing.

The Washington Monument is the pointy thing in the middle of the picture.

We had to bring 02 due to how high our seats were from the field.

Yep! We were really high up.

The Nats lost to the Brewers, which is very sad. Yet, we got to watch Tim Redding, a kid from Rochester, pitch for the Nats. He blew it in the 6th.

But it was a great day to hang out with my favorite 5 year old.

Guess Who I Saw?

2008-05-29T20:34:00.003-04:00

General Petraeus stopped by at my new gig today. Pretty cool perk, eh?

Memorial Day Thoughts

2008-05-26T08:00:00.002-04:00

Code of Conduct

Article one

I am an American fighting with the forces that guard my country and our way of life. I am prepared to give my life in their defense.

There is a thin veneer between veterans and those remembered on Memorial Day. Every G.I sacrifices. What we sacrifice is certainly not our choice. As a consequence of good fortune, and by unknown sources that gave me interesting ASVAB and AFOQT scores, I’m thankful that my sacrifices have been small. I’ve given a lot of time away and missed plenty of things. I’ve endued hardships and placed a heavy burden on loved ones. But I’m still a very fortunate man.

It hurts to know that many, who were just like me, had to sacrifice everything. My abundance is due to a few degrees difference in the trajectory of my service. When I reflect on all of the things that I have helped bring into existence, it fills me with pain to know that others were unable to see there dreams unfold. How many weddings were missed? How many beautiful children were not born? How much joy has been sacrificed?

Memorial Day

2008-05-22T22:29:00.002-04:00

There is something terribly wrong about Memorial Day. There is something terribly perverse about how our culture steers us away from pain whenever we have the choice to face it. Why do we allow things like Memorial Day car sales? It is obscene to use a day of remembrance in such a manner.

Why do we always have to be consumers, man? What a slap in the face to those who have lost someone. Memorial Day should feel personal to all of us. Where is collective remembrance and grief in American culture? Would we allow Your Grandmother is Dead Discount Day !!??

Saying Goodbye

2008-05-16T11:19:00.002-04:00

For reasons that I cannot even mention, I cannot blog about my work. I have experienced so many amazing things at my last job! All I can say is that I will really miss the people that I used to work with. That is a sucky, yet honest, tribute.

Well, here is a cryptic one that I am sure they will be able to decipher:

Incantation (1)

The Shadow is a Snake,
Living under the Sand,
And seared by the Sun.

The Sun burns the Sand,
The Snake slithers out,
And follows the Shadow.

The Sand absorbs the Sun,
The Snake bares its fangs,
Then it covers the Shadow.

The Shadow and the Snake,
The Sand and the desert Sun,
One for all, all for one.

Elmer Romulo Valdez

The fourth most important issue facing this country!

2008-05-05T21:49:00.002-04:00

Has anyone noted the significant increase in the price of beer?? After identifying one of the sources of my migraines (red wine), I cried, mourned, and was planning on moving on. I turned away from my tannin saturated love towards her bitter step-sister, and was ready to make my move. But the prices of the good beers are getting crazy! The problem is I only like the good stuff. Damn my good taste! Why can't I just enjoy Milwaukee's Best? Oh, this recession is going to be Hell! Grapes of wrath; indeed.

I'm Back

2008-05-02T22:04:00.005-04:00

The last two weeks have been so flipping busy. I was on orders the week before last, and then spent this entire week trying to catch up as a result of serving. Bright side: Two and a half more years until I retire from the Guard!

Plus!!!! I found this little jewel: http://www.epicrecords.com/judaspriest/

I ordered the dee-lux box set and will be getting a free poster! Supplies are limited. So you better hurry...or you can stop by the house in a month or so and see mine. It will be hanging gloriously on full display in our living room!

Family Curse

2008-04-20T18:23:00.004-04:00

Well, Big Sister is getting used to her glasses. Retro 1982 plastic ones were NOT AN OPTION. I got my first pair in the second grade. and my wife was spared until she was a little older. Big Sister did not have a chance. At least she looks cute.

The baby is getting ready.

Army Strong

2008-04-14T20:52:00.004-04:00

I signed up for the army ten miler today! It has taken me over three years to be able to run 7-8 miles per outing. So, I am off to a great start to be in shape for October. Given my years of nicotine abuse, this will be a huge occasion. However, since triumph over adversity themes are much less likely than dry comedy in my life, it was completely expected when my left knee started making this really loud popping sound whenever I descend stairs yesterday.

It does not hurt at all, and it is actually kind of funny when I run down the steps. Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. However, I am going to be taking it a little easier for a few weeks as a precaution. Despite my new found lung capacity, my knees may not be able to withstand the 200 plus pounds of sexy that they have to endure. Hey! Maybe I can score some percocet if it begins to hurt badly!

Awesome News!

2008-04-11T21:35:00.004-04:00

Spring is here. The kids are healthy. My wife is beautiful, and I just accepted the best job in the world. Life is good, but it is about to get better!

This is going to be a "metal opera" based on the life and work of Nostradamus. It was due out last year, but since the band can only produce the finest material, it has taken a little longer than expected. Usually, Halford will write only a single song about historical figures (Like the Lockness Monster). So, this is a first. The band will play the album from start to finish. It is supposed to be a double album!!! I am going to get front row tickets this time! I was in the 7th row during the 05 tour. I swear Glen Tipton looked right at me. Yeah, we shared a moment.

I just hope I can find someone to go with me to the concert. My wife told me that she would never do it again. I don't think she was kidding.

No Shame!

2008-04-07T15:46:00.004-04:00

The great Kelly O sent this to me not long ago. While I have no actual memories of speaking to a fan (Now that I'm thinking, it is not completely out of the realm of possibility), I have to admit that the guy looks a lot like I used to in High School.

Metal has certainly shaved off a few I.Q. points, but it has given me so much more in return. I know the lyrics to every single Judas Priest song. I can also growl along with most Slayer songs! Plus I know a lot of the first few notes of almost every megadeth song, except for the hard ones.

....and if you sing into a fan while its running it makes your voice sound really cool. "I AAAM IRON MAAAN!"

Roses and Elms

2008-04-04T23:15:00.001-04:00

Super-Smart Nylonthread tagged me with a meme! I chose a little one-liner from Siggy:

“Everywhere I go I find that a poet has been there before me.” -Sigmund Freud

I actually hear these words in my head when I see my wife in her garden. There really should be no psychology or analysis for one’s muse. Any attempt to shrink it down would be absolutely obscene. It is a distortion to assume that love and beauty are somehow mechanistic, and beautiful people are objects. Moments, like seeing my wife creating gentle beauty, are best left to the poets.

I’ll admit that I have the tendency to analyze things all the way the cellular level. Yet, when it comes to the feeling of love and affection, I think it is best when experienced raw and unadulterated. Let my love only be captured by a poet. The poet’s tortured soul and connotation are far better than anything utilitarian and mechanistic (and therefore much more truthful).

She is exotic uncharted territory. I will never stop searching for the wellspring of her beauty, strength, and warrior spirit (She is cut from rock-solid warrior stock!!). Grace, beauty, power and intelligence all in a delicate package, she rocks me to my core and I am overcome by the depth and meaning!

So, I tag Roses and Elms. Check out her brand new blog! http://rosesandelms.blogspot.com/

Baby's Nose Ring

2008-03-31T22:15:00.003-04:00

Baby loves her nose ring!!!!! She is now the coolest kid at daycare. Piercing nowadays is absolutely painless.

eminem

2008-03-27T09:35:00.004-04:00

I am a metal junkie. My running music includes a huge variety of metal that would melt most peoples ears. It normally gives me huge jolts of energy. However, I have been really interested in eminem lately. I'm even skipping my Priest tunes!

I've never been a rap fan. Eminem's content, which consists mostly of incomplete adolescent ramblings, is not very appealing to me. Yet, it's making for great running music. There is an implicit message of needing to endure pain. Much like running, one can only push through while holding the pain ("And the beat goes on. Da, da-dum. Da, da-dum!"). The masochistic elements are clear. Plus the music parallels both the pain of exercise and the rhythm of running. I also dig the rebellious messages that are similar to those found in metal songs. What I hear is: "I don't have to be smart or rich to tell you to go Eff yourself!"

I guess now I will have to go buy some baggy pants.

Cute Question

2008-03-25T07:53:00.003-04:00

Yesterday, Big Sister asked me the cutest question. "Daddy, Do you think little j and little i are best friends?" I noted that they were probably family, which would explain the resemblance. She disagreed and led a discussion on how friendly they were to each other. (Too polite to be family??)

For the record: The question came before I took her to see "Horton Hears a Who!" Dr. Seuss takes enough credit for sparking similar debate among bong toking teenagers. It does make me wonder about how and when she gained the ability to think abstractly.

What a week! Happy Easter!!

2008-03-23T12:55:00.003-04:00

Happy Easter!!

What a week! The events:

Last Saturday:
-0500 wake up on sofa
-0615. First meeting
-0730. Second meeting
-0900 Commanders Call
-1000 Disaster preparedness exercise
-1400 Leave early (after being in chemical warfare suite for three hours)
-Change into service dress. Prepare for Chief’s retirement ceremony.
-1600 Ceremony begins
-1915 Leave ceremony
-Have dinner with family
-Prepare uniform for the next day.

Last Sunday:
-0500 wake up on sofa
-0615. First meeting
-0730. Second meeting
-Plan for trip to Langley
-Write letter of counseling.
-Return home to prepare uniforms for Langley.
- Leave at 1500.
-Sit in beltway traffic for two hours.
-Make it to Hotel at 1930.
-Call home
-Get directions to the base.
-Go to sleep
-Wake up at 0200 (Why do I hear dogs barking??)

Monday – Wednesday morning:
-0430. Wake up
-0630 Attend briefing
-Remain in awe of the F22 for three solid days
-Treadmill at hotel is broken (adjust by running around the parking lot)

Wednesday Afternoon:
-1330 Have lunch with former supervisor at a posh little bistro
-1430 Leave for home
-Spend three hours driving and hit beltway traffic at the bridge
-Watch a truck driver pick his nose. It’s been a half hour. What the hell is up there, dude?
-Arrive home at 1830.

Come home to this face!!!!

-Have dinner with family.
-Prepare orders and travel voucher.
-Go to bed

Thursday:
-Get the girls to daycare

-Go to other job.
-Go to bed

Friday: Day off

-Spend all morning on the telephone
-Write trip report for Commander
-Finish licensing application
-Fax orders and voucher to angry Chief
-Order dinner (pizza)
-Get kids to bed

Saturday:

-Get kids up
-Do housework
-Have conversation with wife
-Go to Easter Egg Hunt
-Do more housework
-Get kids to bed
-Go to bed on the couch

Sunday:

-Make Easter breakfast (pancakes shaped like bunnies!)
-Watch Political shows (Go Bama!)

-Plan Dinner

-Call Parents
-Blog

Granny and Papa pay a visit

2008-03-09T18:02:00.003-04:00

Bis Sis and the baby enjoyed having Granny and Papa over this weekend. Big Sister said,"I love Grandma's smell. It is sweet and shampooie." So cute! Unfortunately, just like their last visit, they had to drive back home to Upstate New York, where a foot and a half of snow had fallen while they swooned over their granddaughters. Sorry, guys. Hey! Snowblowing can be fun. Right??

7 months!

2008-03-01T14:15:00.003-05:00

The Baby is 7 Months Old and going strong!! And.....

.....only one of us is getting any sleep. I guess that is better than none of us getting any sleep??

Baby Sis is getting hitched

2008-02-29T20:56:00.004-05:00

My baby sister is getting hitched! Naturally, my mean uncle, Sam, prevented me from going to the engagement party. But, at least I got a few pictures. When I saw this collage I got a little misty. Baby Sister's side is on the left. She was so cute growing up (and I was so jealous...and chubby and near-sighted). Now she is a beautiful woman and loving mom. Congratulations, guys! I look forward to welcoming Tom into the family real soon. MOO! HOO!, HA, Ha, haaaa!

Sparky Honors his Mentors

2008-02-27T08:46:00.004-05:00

Sparky, the good Dr. John Breeskin, held a ceremony honoring his mentors and celebrating the beginning of his 50th year as a psychologist. I had that damn lump in my throat as he began to speak, and by the end of his talk it subsided, just to reappear again at the conclusion. I swear he does that on purpose!

A great many of the psychologists and researchers that I have studied have worked with Sparky. He ran through a list on the ten most influential psychologists in the field, and then added a few of his own. Along the way he paid respect to each of them. It was an amazing trip! He was even able to pull off a very mild criticism of Carl Rogers in a room full of shrinks (I happened to disagree with the criticism ...but there was no microphone).

Among Sparky’s many gifts to the world, and to me personally, is his movie, Sparky’s Ashes, which he made a couple of years ago. In it he visits the places where he will have his ashes spread. He also interviews his mortician, hangs out with a panhandler, and dresses like a wizard! One of the most symbolic places is at the statue, “The Awakening,” at Hains Point. This happened to be moved to the new Harbor Front Convention Center in Maryland on the very same day as Sparky delivered his speech. However rare, I simply cannot find the meaning in these two events as they collide in my heart.

I have had many mentors who have helped me throughout my life. None have considered the meaning of the relationship like Sparky does. Not only do I respect his work and contributions, but I also feel cared for in a spiritual manner. Sparky desires to know that a part of him will exist in this word long after he is gone. This is my job, and I accept it. His influence in my work and life is clear and obvious, just as Sparky’s mentors are alive in his work. One day, as my big-sister of a colleague noted, I'll give a speech honoring Sparky. Along the way, I’ll be looking for people to guide, help, and ultimately “bless.” Like fathers and sons, on and on the pattern will be continued.

Barack the Vote

2008-02-18T08:10:00.003-05:00

It seems the new strategy of the Clinton campaign is to complain that Obama is all words and no action. I’ve been catching sound-bytes noting that he is skilled at stirring and moving people, but can’t be trusted to lead. He does not have enough experience to run the White House on “day one.” While these are valid points and a clear challenge for him, there is a process that he has been able to avoid that is rather appealing to me, and perhaps to the millions of other voters in his corner. We all know about it, but it is seldom mentioned on the Sunday morning political shows. It’s a hazard that cannot be avoided: Spending too much time in the federal government turns people into a-holes.

This is also why Hillary’s hubby isn’t helping her very much lately. He can never become human again. Sorry, dude.

It is an inevitable transformation and Obama will have to eventually conform. However, he at least still resembles a human being, which is giving him the advantage. Plus, let’s face it. Experience being a politician is supposed to sharpen and hone what skills? Hmmm??…leadership! Last time I checked we select our leaders based on a personal decision to either support or reject them.

So what about the people that Hillary considers stupid and easily manipulated by fancy speeches? We, the hopeful little sheep, are touched by his speeches, moved, and encouraged to vote for him. We are duped into believing that he is someone who will champion the social and political movements that matter to us. That alone suggests an amazing shift in tactics over the past several years. What she is doing is similar to the process of reminding us that if we don’t support our leaders, we will face nasty consequences. She is using fear, just like the rest of the a-holes!

In a representative democracy it is sickening to hear the same anatomical elite speak for us about who is fit to serve. For better or worse, that is our job! Many of us are accustomed to voting for the person who is the smaller a-hole. Perhaps we finally have a clearer choice this time around.

Getting Freaky!

2008-02-14T12:14:00.006-05:00

I have been inspired by the amazing Kelly O! I have felt energy united and directed during the freedom to marry week, and was actually mentioned on her blog! It makes me want to sing: “Fame! I wanna live forever!”

Okay. Christian conservatives have a claim that the marriage of same sexed couples is immoral. Well, lets take a look at the psychology of opposite sex unions. How “moral” are we deep down in the subconscious?

Freudian analysis suggests that when the man “takes a wife” he is actually attempting to have his mother. What Freud analyzed was in many ways the shadow of religion, which has many limits and can be argued as a psychology of libidinal drives and the like. However, Jungian analysis takes a different look and moves away from libidinal drives and places the observer at the edge of the subconscious where several fields are available to be analyzed. Myth becomes relevant, history, and the larger “collective” are all areas to be considered in Jungian analysis. So, religion is then reflected on the surface of the water of the subconscious. This makes myth and religion important in understanding things like…say?. .the act of marriage in relation to the psyche.

So, two Christians get married. This man and this woman go to church and stand before an alter and have a holy person tell them that they are now “united.” Then they come to church every Sunday and have a great time. That is considered moral and holy.

Wait a minute. Let’s go a little slower and consider a few of the Christian metaphores: Two people of the same faith (brother and sister—ooh!) go before God (Their Heavenly Father—awwh!) and unite (form a sexual union—Huh!!) in front of the congregation (the family). Hmm?

Every Sunday what happens? The Christian couple can now go to church and love the members of the congregation (ritualized orgy? ---of the Agape, non sexual, variety!).

In myth the heirosgamos is a divine sexual union. Christians have a divine union with their partners and with the members of the congregation after they are married. The soul (psyche), in Jungian principle, cannot be contained, but can also not be left fractured or incomplete.

Christians solve this problem by marrying one another and then engage in loving everyone in the church. A homeostasis is then maintained, one time a week, where tensions involving love, desire for others (again, of the agape variety), and the divine are satisfied.

The prejudice against same sexed couples prevents this holy union. Now, how much less moral is a same sex marriage after consideration of the Heirosgamos?

My point is that all of this takes place deep inside the psyche where the desires are safe and sound. When analyzed it looks really wild! The idea that some groups of people are not "fit" to participate in the act of holy matrimony is, psychoanalytically speaking, rather humorous after a careful consideration of the archetypal and dynamic elements of a normal Christian marriage.

A good read for the interested:

http://www.istanbul-yes-istanbul.co.uk/alchemy/Rosariumfinal.htm

Homophobia?

2008-02-12T23:45:00.004-05:00

The term “homophobia” is absurd. This is a description of a specific phobic presentation out of the DSM IV-TR, which is the American Psychological Association’s catalog of diagnostic criteria:

“DIAGNOSTIC FEATURES:

The essential feature of Specific Phobia is marked and persistent fear of clearly discernible, circumscribed objects or situations. Exposure to the phobic stimulus almost invariably provokes an immediate anxiety response. This response may take the form of a situationally bound or situationally predisposed Panic Attack. Although adolescents and adults with this disorder recognize that their fear is excessive or unreasonable, this may not be the case with children. Most often, the phobic stimulus is avoided, although it is sometimes endured with dread. The diagnosis is appropriate only if the avoidance, fear, or anxious anticipation of encountering the phobic stimulus interferes significantly with the person's daily routine, occupational functioning, or social life, or if the person is markedly distressed about the phobia. In individuals under age 18 years, symptoms may have persisted for at least 6 months before Specific Phobia is diagnosed. The anxiety, Panic Attacks, or phobic avoidance are not better accounted for by another mental disorder (e.g., Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, Separation Anxiety Disorder, Social Phobia, Panic Disorder With Agoraphobia, or Agoraphobia Without History of Panic Disorder).” DSM-IV TR, 1994

In order for “homophobia” to exist, the sufferer would have to present with terror, a gripping desire to flee, hyperarousal (non-sexual!), avoidance, and generalized fear when presented with the “stimulis” of a homosexual. (I am sure that even Rush Limbaugh does not meet that criteria.)

The more fitting term is “homo-prejudice.” This removes the pathology and suggest a much more adequate etiological underpinning: predjudice! A mental disorder, like a specific phobia, requires the attention of a mental health professional. Could a therapist bill an insurance company to treat someone suffering with “homophobia?”

No, because that person has a prejudice and, although they may benefit from therapy, does not have a mental illness. They have a prejudice against homosexuals. Would people accept the terms “Afro-Ameriphobia,” or “Chronic Womeniphobic?”

Powerful Documentary

2008-02-11T14:29:00.000-05:00

I am not sure of the popularity of the documentary, Color of Fear, by the renowned therapist Lee Mun Wah. It was used as an eye-opener during graduate school, which still resonates in me despite it being several years since I first saw the full film. For white males, issues surrounding multiculturalism are exeptionally difficult to learn about (I remember watching this segment in class and feeling like every eye in the room was drilling a hole in my back--the lone white male). This film captured where most white men have to start, in order to move deeper into understanding and recognizing their role as deniers and minimizers. It also underscores why social movements have to be In-Your-Face. If they are not, the power of denial will turn the heads of those needing enlightenment.

It is often hard for me to imagine the strength that cultural, racial, and sexual minorities have to muster in order to navigate in our society. Now, I certainly did not have a full supply of silver spoons available to me growing up, but there was a plastic spork near by when it was needed.

That is not a clumsy flippant metaphore.

It is difficult to look at all of the work that I have done and the sacrifices that I have made, and then learn that entire groups of people have it worse than I did. Then I learned that this advantage was granted to me because of my race, gender, and sexual preference. Recognizing this is not an easy first step!

The truth is that I always had utensils. Often times they were cheap and made of plastic, but small opportunities were always there for me to pick up when I was ready to use them. It is hard to look at that as being something that others were refused. Yet, that is the truth, and for many white men clinging to "our story" of success is the best way to remain protected from the pain of some very ugly truths. We take the acceptance, the foundation of opportunity, for granted. That ultimatly prevents others from helping us begin the process of understanding, welcoming, and embracing all minorities as equals. Exploring and facing what it means to be a white man in America is a shame inducing journey. Shame and denial are like... well, they have a close relationship.

So, as I can only move throughout life as a new cognitive minority-- the humbled white male. I catch myself looking at black professionals with more appreciation. I consider the issues of immigrant populations with more compassion, and I look at the bravery of gay and lesbian couples showing affection towards each another in public with respect. While there may be battles being fought that are invisible to me, I can certainly recognize a warrior when I see one.

My appreciation and sensitivity may mean little to those in the fight for equality and justice. Yet, it is a representative victory. It is what has to happen for all white men, and can only happen when an individual's assumptions about what it means to be a white man are challenged in a direct and passionate encounter.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=-vAbpJW_xEc

(How on earth can I post video clips?????)

What happens when I press this button?

2008-02-11T08:57:00.000-05:00

Big sister made a "lil-oopsy" over the weekend. The previous occupiers of our home must have hidden their valuables, or deepest secrets, from one another in the master bedroom. Although my wife and I never actually found the key to the high-security lock on the bedroom door, we also never considered it a problem. The other doors can be unlocked from the outside with a small screwdirver. Not this sucker! It is built to withstand the ATF. Well anyway, Big sister was playing with the lock, and then we were all locked out. My credit card trick failed, which left only one option.

It only took a steaknife, a ladder, and two minutes to get inside. My honey-do list just got a little longer.

Meme #2!

2008-02-09T10:01:00.000-05:00

Another meme! Cool. I feel like philfree just offered me a smoke. "Hey, dude. You wanna play hacky sack with us?"

6 quirks:

1) I am so arrogant that I don't think I have any quirks.

(The remaining opinions come from my wife. She showed very little hesitation.)

2) I talk in my sleep and, apparently, chew pretend food. This delivers people sleeping near me to locations close to insanity.

3) I enjoy, and expect, people to cry tears of joy...and then wonder why they didn't.

4) I sing heavy metal songs as lullabies to my children.

5) I can play both "Mr. Sensitive" and "Joe Cool" without skipping a beat. (Hey! Like Fonzi!!)

6) I'm a mechanic who hates to fix things. Then she called me: "The elf who does not want to make toys."

That felt a little strange.

Meme?

2008-02-07T11:58:00.000-05:00

Okay. I am not sure about the meme rules, but I do feel confident about answering the questions. Here goes my first attempt.

Name something you do everyday:

1) Prepare food for my kids

Name 2 things you wish you could learn:

1) How to make my career change work for me and the family
2) How save money for my kids' education

Name 3 things that remind you of your childhood:

1) Snow
2) The smell of leather (like baseball gloves and jackets--not chaps!)
3) Station wagons

Name 4 things you love to eat but rarely do:

1) Nick's Garbage Plates!
2) Buffalo Wings
3) Patty Melts
4) Crab Cakes

Name 5 things/people that make you feel good:

1) Todd O always gives off good vibes!
2) Pictures of my nieces
3) Talking with my collogues and mentors
4) Seeing my girls (all three) smile and laughing together
5) Obama speeches

That was painless! Do I tag someone? I don't have enough blogging buddies to tag?

Baby Update

2008-02-04T07:56:00.000-05:00

Blue eyes! They are certainly blue and do not seem to be darkening up. She is also beginning to eat babyfood. I have been trying out my newest toy-- A high end kitchen aid food processor. However, the baby prefers store bought food. What gives? As a consequence, I have about six pounds of pureed sweet potatoes in the freezer, if anyone is hungry.

Teaching Gig

2008-02-02T13:12:00.000-05:00

I was asked to lecture on the psychology of gender at the U of M. Awesome!!! I may have lost some credibility when I asked a student to take a picture of me in front of the chalkboard. "Um? How long have you been teaching?" Hey? Come on. I was excited!

Funny clip

2008-01-29T08:47:00.000-05:00

I am not skilled in posting clips and other...stuff. So sorry. My friend sent me this and I am still laughing!

http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/b776c00c54

Franklins!

2008-01-26T22:29:00.001-05:00

Waiting for our micro-brew! The "nitro" was excellent tonight!

Eating calamari....

All told it was a good... Family date.

Good as new!

2008-01-26T12:56:00.000-05:00

Our little elf is back in business! Everyone in the family is healthy! (Knock, knock, knocking on every wood surface in the house.) Wait a minute? I just heard a sneeze. Joy.

Uncle Mike

2008-01-23T21:32:00.000-05:00

Big sister had a great time with her uncle this weekend. She roped him into reading several stories in a row. My wife and I tried to end her trickery, as we carefully propped up our feet up on the sofa for the first time in five months. It was good to have him over for a few days.

On a another note....the baby is sick again. Daycare has banned her for no less than 24 hours and a doctor's note. Will they still charge us? Yes! Does daycare cost us more than our mortgage? Yes! Did the doctor give me anything to help her symptoms? No!

The poor thing is so miserable. I had to take a "snooze cruise" with her at 11:30 last night. She cried, and cried, but the car ride finally helped her get to sleep. Also, whether playing Iron Maiden either soothes her to sleep, or scares her into silence; I do not know for sure. Yet, it seems to have helped. My findings are anecdotal, but they do offer some promising alternatives to be studied in the future: "Use of prolonged Heavy Metal Music Exposure on Infants: A controlled Sleep Study."

Kelly O

2008-01-20T12:14:00.001-05:00

For the record: Kelly O is the sweetest, kindest, warmest, and most youthful person I know. Her children are beautiful, and her husband is exceptionally handsome. She is also very forgiving, generous, and warm-hearted towards people of lesser status and stature...and she is really, really, talented, smart, gifted, sweet, strong, clever, and witty. I could go on and on ....

One of the girls

2008-01-20T10:29:00.000-05:00

Big sister had her first swimming lesson! She had a blast, and made a new friend!!

After the swim lesson, Big sister and I hung out with two of my homies. Big Sister was SO HAPPY! These two are wicked cool. We instantaneously triangulate and tease each other within minutes of seeing each other. It is so much fun! They treat me like one of the girls, which is always surprisingly comfortable for me. Reproduction has limited our exposure to one another lately, but the good vibes may increase when things mellow out in the future.

Feeling Macho...and sad

2008-01-18T20:44:00.000-05:00

It will probably sound very strange, but I love the B52. Given it's age and legendary status, it is the most romantic aircraft in the Air Force inventory. This one (called "balls 12") is older than anyone currently serving in the Air Force. Yet, it has absolutely devastating destructive power far beyond comprehension. These things are so cumbersome that the simple act of taking flight looks like an absolute struggle. The landing is just as surprising. Yet, they have served faithfully time and time again. (Yes, personification is justified in the description of heavenly bodies)

I was 18 when I first worked on this particular aircraft. 18! And this thing is still a part of the AF inventory! My service and associated deployments changed my life forever. I can smell the flight deck. It is an acrid, stale, pissy smell. However, it is also warm, and rather comfortable. It represents both loss and potential for me, given the changes that took place during my life when I worked in these jets; as well as pain and joy. I suppose the romantic feelings come from both loving and hating the object that changed my life. How and why are the stuff of braver, or drunker, blog entries.

Blue Eyes?

2008-01-16T08:01:00.000-05:00

My niece just got her first pair of glasses. (bad eyes run in the family). She looks so frigging cute. Yet, I think her expression says it all. "Yeah. I'm wearing fu%$ing glasses now. Isn't this great?"

She may never now how lucky she actually is. I am exceedingly thankful that it is now illegal to manufacture and distribute those late 70's plastic frames (goggles) that were mandatory when I was a kid.

We don't want kids crying themselves to sleep listening to Judas Priest records nowadays. They made wire frames, ya know, but some of us were just too "clumsy." Well, if we had glasses earlier, maybe that would not be an issue. And, we would not look like fat midget sea explorers with "feathered" hair. Did I mention that some of us were also a little chubby? Thanks, mom. Oh, and thanks for the zips.

Nevertheless, my niece has certainly been spared some psychological damage.

I think the baby will have blue eyes (can't tell from the picture). She will be six months old soon. I can't remember when big sister's eyes stopped changing color. We thought she would have blue eyes, but they changed to hazel and then eventually to light brown. We will have to wait and see about the glasses...glasses.... not goggles....not goggles with sparkly initials in the lower left hand corner of the left lens. And no ZIPS!

Drill!

2008-01-14T19:21:00.000-05:00

Drill......

Daddy’s little snowball -- In haiku

2008-01-10T20:44:00.000-05:00

Her sleeping breath sounds
Like soft shoes in a dry snow
And I think of home

Her little wet hands
Heather’s skating rink kisses
She smiles at me

Back of the closet
Winter hats Mittens and scarves
And I weep for home

Fires in the fireplace
Winter when we feel closer
Thanking my father

Big Sister’s Androgynous Family

2008-01-04T11:51:00.000-05:00

I was SO HAPPY to see this picture last night when I came home from work! I wish that the blog version was more clear, because it is just wonderful! I often flaunt myself as a male product of the feminist movement and I think this picture demonstrates how a child can view parents as equal partners dedicated to their care (as opposed to the outdated bread-winner, king of the castle, head of the household model--with affection being demonstrated only by the mom). Although, I must admit that I am still forced to pick up dead things in the yard. The only good reason that my wife has given me for that is because...Well?.. I'm "a guy."

Anyway. Yes, at first glance it is a funny bird with two heads carrying Baby and Big-Sister on a skinny stretched out piece of shared flesh. But, after a closer look! It is clear that she drew a male and female figure bonded together (and smiling about it) in a manner that offers support to the children. The male and female figures are equal in size and wear equally sized crowns. They can also stand on their own two feet, but most importantly; she drew little people tucked under each of the adults waistbands (the blog photo does not show that very well--they each look like Cindy-Lou Who!).

So, although Big Sister can clearly identify the gender differences in her caregivers, she also views her parents as a singular androgynous care-giving entity. The picture does not offer male support separated from female love, and the babies do not come just from mommies. Yet, these things are produced from this singe care-giving mass of love that is capable of support and reproduction.

Maybe this is a great illustration of gender equality when viewed from a five-year-old's perspective? If it is, it is exactly what my wife and I have been attempting to achieve. I'll be sure to ask Big Sister about her intent after she finishes her dissertation. Regardless, I think it is absolutely wonderful!

Sparky's Crew

2007-12-30T19:44:00.000-05:00

I spent the evening with my mentor, Sparky, and some of his friends at the Savory in Takoma Park. He was a professor of mine who refused to stop teaching me after my tuition was paid. Now, Sparky is much more than a mentor to me in many ways. The most profound characteristic (one of many profound characteristics!) of Sparky is that he is a man who does not believe in shame. With this component taken out of the relational equation, wonderful and liberating things have taken place for me.

Sparky is a brilliant eccentric that lives his life in an authentic manner that is full of meaning and depth. He has dedicated his life to the care for others, and has done absolutely amazing work in the process. He is a wise, witty, original (A humanistic-existential-phenomenological-gestaltist!) who makes every conversation entertaining and meaningful. He has taken time to help me out whenever I have needed it, and I am very proud to call him a friend. He has been a psychologist for 50 years! And, he gives his unbelievably expansive knowledge away to those he deems worthy of his attention without bravado, pretense, or conditions.

The group currently has no name. We were assembled to meet one another, because Sparky wanted his friends to all meet at one time. Tonight was ice-breaking with a fair amount of self-disclosure. Everyone, as expected, is very interesting, highly intelligent, and I am certainly looking forward to meeting with them again in the future.

two Robert Bly poems

2007-12-29T15:34:00.001-05:00

The Night Abraham Called to the Stars

Do you remember the night
Abraham first saw
The stars?

He cried to Saturn: "You are my Lord!"
How happy he was!
When he saw the Dawn Star,

He cried, ""You are my Lord!"
How destroyed he was
When he watched them set.

Friends, he is like us:
We take as our Lord the stars that go down.
We are faithful companions to the unfaithful stars.

We are diggers, like badgers; we love to feel
The dirt flying out from behind our back claws.
And no one can convince us that mud is not Beautiful.

It is our badger soul that thinks so.
We are ready to spend the rest of our life
Walking with muddy shoes in the wet fields.

We resemble exiles in the kingdom of the serpent.
We stand in the onion fields looking up at the night.
My heart is a calm potato by day, and a weeping

Abandoned woman by night.
Friend, tell me what to do,
Since I am a man in love with the setting stars.

Moving Inward at Last

The dying bull is bleeding on the mountain!
But inside the mountain, untouched
By the blood,
There are antlers, bits of oak bark,
Fire, herbs are thrown down.

When the smoke touches the roof of the cave,
The green leaves burst into flame,
The air of night changes to dark water,
The mountains alter and become the sea.

Bronchiolitis

2007-12-28T10:36:00.000-05:00

I had it all wrong! So, the baby was teething AND has bronchiolitis. Her symptoms arrived with her screaming in the car. She is okay, as long as we stay in the bathroom with a steamy shower going while I sing side two of "Master of Puppets." Long night, but she is still smiling between coughing fits. Poor sweet baby.

"Daddy, let's be divas!"

2007-12-27T08:39:00.000-05:00

I have been looking forward to a solid week with the girls. So, yesterday we almost made it to a cool Takoma Park mom's Boxing Day party. Big sister was wildly exited and I was really looking forward getting out and meeting some new people. We got directions, packed bags with the appropriate amount of distractions, met all of the physiological needs, and then baby begins to scream bloody murder in her car seat (It also started to rain!). I was successful in gaining life sustaining caffeine at Starbucks, but eventually had to abort the mission. The baby's getting a couple new teeth, and she was having one hell of a time. The poor thing was not in a partying mood. Oh, well. She is doing better this morning.

I did get the opportunity to play "diva" with big-sister. My performance still needs some work, but I am learning as I go, and I have a great coach!

Baby's first Christmas..we showed her how it is done!

2007-12-25T21:52:00.000-05:00

First we obscure dad's face for the only picture that is taken of him and the girls during the entire day.
Next, we pay a visit to mom's gingerbread house. (It's structural integrity was compromised after failing to withstand three drooling children)

Then we present the gifts.

(I'm not sure what Big Sister's grin is suggesting...yet, there is something rather malevolent in that expression "This one is for you, daddy. I know how much you loved the loofah brush from last year.")

Next, we have another picture!

Then we test out our stuff. Big sister loved this new gadget. Thanks to grandma and papa she will now be able to break into computer assisted graphic design!

Next, we kiss the nearest angel.

....and chill out with friends after a wonderful meal!

Xmas eve outing

2007-12-24T15:48:00.000-05:00

Big Sister spent the day with mom at work. The baby and I met up with them and spent the afternoon at the National Geographic Museum.

The "Critter Cam" exhibit was a big hit!

The baby and I made it to the Hopper Exhibit at the National Art Gallery (I have been waiting weeks to find time to go) just in time to be crowded out by thousands of tourists.

The baby was angry. After breaking up a fight between her and a French tour guide, we decided to leave early. The last thing we need is an international incident on the day before Christmas.

Santa, beware.

Holiday lights at Watkins Park

2007-12-23T08:23:00.000-05:00

The family loves the Holiday lights at Watkins park.

Sad Panda

2007-12-23T08:06:00.000-05:00

The Holidays can be a lonely time for the endangered.

Metal 101

2007-12-19T23:44:00.000-05:00

I have gotten a fair amount of static throughout my life for loving heavy metal. As a consequence I have actually felt a little shame from time-to-time (I remember one time in graduate school, I turning down a Priest song in the parking lot when I saw a classmate walking over to greet me).

Well, I have explored this at great length and have come up with some conclusions about metal that have helped me understand my love of this type of music. Here it goes: Metal is not music. My mother was correct. What she did not understand, however, is that heavy metal is, in fact, therapy.

When observing a real metal band playing, there tends to be four or five men working exceptionally hard at conveying their anger and frustration in a controlled, yet authentic, manner. They are using their instruments (insert Freud here) to channel and project their feelings into a highly charged musical composition. Those guys on stage are all working together, but are doing all they can to tap into their individual pain, anger, frustration, or whatever emotion cannot usually be expressed behind the machine or desk that people in our society are supposed to be tied to these days. This experience is so overwhelming that they bang their heads, rock back and forth like lunatics, often scream at the audience with rage, and spit vitriol in the process.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlF0amKrkhY&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G0AGUywHntw&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIXZDz2uzyQ&feature=related

The unfortunate requirement that music be popular, and accepted by the masses, turned this amazing form of expression into a spandex wrapped joke in the 80's when everybody wanted to dress like teenage girls and sing about getting drunk on the way to a party. This music is not real metal, but an extension of 60's rock and roll. The intent of that type of music is to alter and enhance an experience.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZHVkJ1wVFM ("Daddy says, 'She's too young, but she's old enough for me." WTF??)

Real metal, on the other hand, attempts to provide us access into parts of ourselves that we usually cannot bring forth. It is angry, or sad, or volatile, and usually pretty ugly (Lemmy could never wear lipstick). There are silly commercial bits, but that is just to get paid.

Well, Okay. The mechanical hand in the following clip is just...dumb, but just ignore that and listen.

NWOBHM:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L4yHyHdJK5g

Thus, the popularity of the grunge bands, and return to quasi-punk in the 90's. It was a much more realistic portrait of painful emotion than what metal was capable of dishing out.

In my opinion, a true metal song is always a failure. There is something that everyone is trying to express with lyrics and instruments, but it just doesn't cut it. They are trying like hell, but can't do it. It is like they are saying: "I don't think I am getting through to you. Since your not listening to what I am saying, maybe this guitar solo can help you understand how I feel." That is how I experience an actual metal song, as opposed to a distorted rock and roll tune. I think this helps explain why bands turn to disturbing imagery and the occult, as a focus for their music. It is another way for the shadow to be brought forward and into awareness. So, as a result, metal viedeos and concerts are sometimes a little: aberrant, abnormal, absurd, antic, bizarre, deformed, distorted, eerie, extravagant, extreme, fanciful, fantastic, flamboyant, freakish, grody*, gross*, incongruous, ludicrous, malformed, misshapen, monstrous, odd, outlandish, perverted, preposterous, queer, ridiculous, strange, surrealistic, uncanny, unnatural, weird, weirdo, whimsical

This is also why metal shows are so much fun! They allow us to experience our darker nature in an acceptable way and with other people. Now some of these people may worry you when you see them! But they, like me, are just trying to reach a place where they can, for a short time, integrate more of themselves. These are a few of the masters:

Halford/Priest:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mYsET2Z3nQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djvkqiPmfJM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugJDx4ScF8Y&feature=related

Megadeth:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TQgOR0_t7UQ

Maiden:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lqpZDqrv4Xo&feature=related

Santa does what!

2007-12-19T22:55:00.000-05:00

"And he brings us toys!"

Happy Girls

2007-12-19T22:38:00.000-05:00

I am trying to remember. At what age do sisters begin to have heated arguments over things like leg warmers and Atari games? "You put a scratch in my Def Leppard record!"

What will I have to say? Oh, yeah. I remember,"Be quiet or you won't be allowed to watch Dukes of Hazard."

Tiny Beauty

2007-12-19T21:34:00.000-05:00

Another flower arrangement brought to you by Big Sister.

2007-12-19T02:43:00.000-05:00

One of the things that I love about being a parent is how it has altered my perception of beauty. Little gifts that I would have passed by without even missing a step a few short years ago have become magnified, and they now scream for me to notice. When I get home from work, I often feel like a cultural anthropologist attempting to determine what meaning can be drawn from some artifact that was left in the hallway or on the living room floor.

Whether it is a crayon drawing, or a little line-up of flowers, I am amazed at the innocently creative nature of my child. This was actually left for me on the sidewalk in front of my house.

Tent Flower Milk Stick

2007-12-19T02:38:00.000-05:00

A sample of Big-Sister's art.

Sisters

2007-12-19T02:19:00.000-05:00

I love how these two are already bonding. I was so worried about jealous feelings, but have been consistently surprised by big-sister's warmth and affection. She, in turn, is actually rewarded with the baby's smiles and giggles. How do people actually learn to want that kind of reaction?

2007-12-18T21:32:00.000-05:00

These are my primary reasons for breathing. I have many others, but these three are the Earth, Moon and Stars. They also are very well aware of how significant that statement is to me. This is the constellation as of 18 OCT 07, when viewed from the Eastern Seaboard.

First Post

2007-12-18T20:48:00.000-05:00

I heard that whatever is posted online has the potential to last forever. Which makes this post my first attempt at immortality. Wait....I am both baptised and circumsized. Hmmm? So, this is my third official attempt at immortality! Greetings from beyond everyone!